Last weekend, I got “Unmasking Autism” by Devon Price in hand. It’s been reassuringly and unsettlingly relatable in many ways.
The values based integration process runs through the book; starting at the end of chapter one.
The first exercise is to locate 5 moments throughout the reader’s life where they felt FULLY ALIVE; and write these moments down, as detailed as possible, focusing on the why of these moments specifically.
My very Christian (baptist, but more progressive than not) upbringing was a simple time for me. The world was ordered, there was a purpose behind being a little weird. At Bible Camp, I could be the wee christian nerd, and be rewarded for it, even if i recall a slight bit of astonishment that I would end a prayer for good weather with “God’s plans aligning”. Maybe the farmers needed rain more than we needed fair swimming weather?
This hits for a different reason. I had mostly shed my Christian identity, and, for this Red Cross youth camp, I somehow settled on a prickly asshole persona. I still don’t know why, really; it did not come naturally, nor was it comfortable to inhabit. I still remember, over 25 years later, how freeing it was to care not at all about what others thought (or try not to, too much).
Do I know many people, or even have many friends? No.
Do I enjoy a metal show, and the rituals associated with the same? Yes.
So, the only logical conclusion is… to attend metal shows solo. And maybe even make some aquaintances along the way. We are all warriors in the Wall of Death.
Maintaining these one-night relationships is harder though; what with familial and work commitments.
Being able to calm a young girl down from a nonverbal tantrum; or seeing a young man understand an alternative form of communication; is truly rewarding for me. Knowing I could assess a situation and either in-the-moment or with a longer plan truly affect change in an other person is incredibly rewarding.
No, this is not a singular moment. Never mind that. Neither is the last item.
…like the typing of this post. Or tidying up our shed. Or designing a 3D printable solution for something. Getting lost in FreeCAD or lua configs. Optimizing a docker compose yaml for my own usecase.
It needs to serve a purpose other than just tinkering – but the purpose can be as simple as ‘it is better/more correct now’
All in all, a nice enough exercise.