Living Guided by My Values

On page 216 of “Unmasking Autism” is a request to reflect on how your life is in accordance with your values.

This excercise isn’t included in the worksheets online for some reason, but I found it rather relevant anyway. Also, I wrote the draft for this before I revisited my values for the previous post, som my initial thoughts were quite oriented towards “being without concern” as the framing value. Also, I am not at all following the “instructions” for this, as it were, beyond using the headlines as a discussion starter.

What am I doing right now

Currently, my days are rather unusual, given I am on long term sick leave. There are tasks enough anyway. Children need to get to school, and get home again. Groceries and laundry and other household tasks are inescapable. They do have a purpose, though, and a relevance. Not going to work gives room to recuperate and reassess my life going forward (corny, sure, but also accurate).

Matching Values and Bringing Joy

Working full time in a high-stress job, I had precious little time to recuperate, and often had very low energy reserves when I got home. After family and household obligations, there was not very much time or energy to pursue creative endeavors. It is, naturally, easier to find time in my current situation; even if energy is less consistent.

It probably is part of existing in our end-stage capitalist hellscape; but most of my time is not at all my own; and what time I do have has many demands on it. My flesh suit needs some kind of attention, and I have many creative interests. And exercising or writing or drawing or photography or 3D modelling or homelabbing isn’t neccessarily decompression time. It certainly can be; but sometimes I also want to watch the cool show or read the dimension hopping wizard book or assemble a pretty puzzle.

Actions matched to values

I don’t really mind the doing of the mundanities of life, as stated above. I would rather not need to. Having fairy housekeepers would be nice.

I consistently look forward to:

• early mornings in a quiet house, whether due to school or me sleeping less
• my evening consitutional, my very consistent bit of exercise and audiobook listening.
• time to deep dive on a project, like writing out these worksheets. I might procrastinate though, if the project is challenging in some way.
• time with my wife, whom I get precious little time alone with
• my children are a duality of pleasure and pain sometimes. Hanging out can often be quite nice, if expectations are established beforehand. I very quickly need to set a boundary or make a demand, which can sour the moods of all present very quickly. Or, I don’t make the demand or set the boundary, so as not to speak from a position of frustration and dysregulation.
• I enjoy menial tasks to a degree; given that they can stay menial and not be interrupted by someone talking at me. I am very capable of dissociating while folding laundry.

Mitigations

Some of the mundanities can be front-loaded or outsourced. Meal prepping, frozn meals and take-out solve the food production is too much problem day-to-day (take-out isn’t economically an option very often though). Laundry can be batched, as can grocery shopping. A great deal more intentionality in when tasks occur seems neccessary. I don’t have a fairy house cleaning service; and cannot afford a mundane one. I need to let go of my own demands – I can only prioritize so many things.