Page 111 of “Unmasking Autism” has a list of common coping strategies among the autistic population. This is not included as a worksheet/extended ebook content, but I found the resonance and recognition I saw with my own behavior interesting. There were five groups of behaviors, and I could see myself in nearly all of them.
As part of my ongoing leave of absence from work due to poor mental health/burnout, I took stock of my alcohol habits. I tended to have a nightcap most nights - usually just one beer, or pour of rum, or glass of wine. I’ve been off that habit for the last two weeks (but have been drinking socially); and almost don’t miss it. I did kinda want a drink with me as I was gathering notes the evening before a doctor’s appointment.
I also drink a lot of coffee - around one and a half to two pots a day, more if I’m working. It routinely is bad enough that I need a nighttime caffeine hit around 19 ish, to avoid caffeine withdrawal in the morning.
I have since cut back to around one pot, or 4 cups. I must regretfully conclude, that this indeed has a positive impact on sleep duration in particular.
And I smoke. I know. Don’t tell me. I’ve quit for months at a time previously. Not even a lot. Is it the “this time is just for me” aspect? Or the social aspect? The stimulant aspect is ofc also a part of it…
I have not fallen into eating disorders, but I have had somewhat unhinged eating behaviors, both to lose and gain weight. I’ve weighed ingredients and made recipes in MyFitnessPal to lose 13 kg over 7 months, and eaten 4500 kcal per day to gain weight while training hard. And it works! Great satisfaction is felt from being hungry between meals, and from seeing the mass packing on.
But it is also sooo much work. And a hassle at meal times. I planned around social eating though – bringing my own food was a bridge too far.
Generally, I’ve enjoyed certain rules over food intake, particularly the control it gives me. A stealth example was giving up snacks and sweets for Lent one year. I could eat desserts in social settings, but a modest portion; and no seconds.
This way lies eating disorders, though.
I also enjoy training - both the sensation during and after exertion, as well as the planning and programming part, where a well planned periodization makes number go up.
To some extent, this is a skill i need to use at work. All my adult life ive worked as a caretaker, usually of people with less than ample resources; be it cognitively, socially, or internally. When an explosive reaction is the only one that seems available; a certain level of detachment is necessary to be the calm at the center of the storm. I quite often explicitly frame these incidents as not being about the ‘real me’, but instead the ‘professional me’.
I’ve not considered that I tend to do this in social settings too, but it became very obvious to me that I did this weekend.
I like going to metal shows. The music, the energy, the rituals. In the pit, I can stop thinking, and just exist. So I was quite pleased that I landed a volunteering gig at the local metal fest this year.
However. I had no energy in my current burnout era to fight ritualistically to distorted guitars - not even to just hang out and enjoy many of the shows. It was a very strange and very piloting-a-meat-suit experience.
And of course there is reading. I spent most of grade school with a book during recess; rather than failing to integrate into the social dynamics at school. Lately there has been a lot of doomscrolling; which I am actively trying to direct back into actual books
And of course, I am hardly ever out and about or doing chores without my emotional support headphones. They used to be for music (I actually had a Zune!), but have increasingly been filled with podcasts and youtube lectures.
Which podcasts, and wether I need more gloomy perspectives on the world around us, is a matter for another day.
My whole childhood was devoutly Baptist. My family’s social circle was at church, and I’ve spent many many summers at bible camp. My mother (who probably has a lot to gain from these exercises too) is still very personally devout.
Looking through old notebooks and messages, the certainty of the church messaging was very comforting, and also gave a certain license to be “extra”. I had seen the light and was saved, and could be steadfast in that knowledge.
Around the age of 13 or so I distanced myself from religion. I still have a fascination for the history of religion and Christianity, and enjoy many a podcast and lecture on the topic.
I still have a rather rigid sense of “rightness”, particularly when it is the little guy against the Man.
Page 135 has a reflection tool for how people pleasing can manifest:
I don’t feel like many people know the “real” me - I limit my nerdsplaining in polite company, for instance.
I do know how to say no, but less so in close relationships. Paradoxically, because my wife is sure to listen. It would be nice if she could ask the real question sometimes though. Danish polite construction around tasks is something like “would you like to..”. A truthful answer is often no, I do not want to take out the trash. I don’t at all mind doing it, but you asked if I wanted to.
I do not spend time worrying overmuch on other peoples feelings or managing them. Except.. I do sometimes just do tasks instead of trying to wrangle others around.
I don’t think I betray my own ideals for the social good? I survived school by being the weird kid with the book, I can be the weird adult.
I also tend to step away from social conflicts and stay uninvolved. I do not dig, I do not serve tea. Leaving the social baggage to the social butterflies serves me well.
Damn, that got long. And took two days, on and off. This reflection business is hard work.
I don’t have many friends,
hard time saying no, even when it will be heard